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英語幽默小故事10則
不同于中國人，在大洋彼岸的那些國家，有著與中國完全不相同的幽默方式。這些幽默往往有趣而簡單。下面是中國人才網(wǎng)提供的英語幽默小故事，供參考借鑒!
篇1：Wood Fire森林之火
One woman lectured her best friend on the nature of the male animal. “Husbands are like wood fires; they go out if left unattened.”
“Does that mean,” asked the other, “that they make ashes of themselves?”
一名婦女向她最好的朋友大談雄性動物的特性：“丈夫們就像是森林里的火，一不注意，他們就會燃燒起來。”
“那是不是意味著，”另一個問道，“他們將自己燒成灰燼?”
篇2：Best Reward最好的獎賞
A naval officer fell overboard. He was rescued by a deck hand. The officer asked how he could reward him.
“The best way, sir,” said the deck hand, “is to say nothing about it. If the other fellows knew I'd pulled you out, they'd chuck me in.”
一名海軍軍官從甲板上掉入海中。他被一名甲板水手救起。這位軍官問如何才能酬謝他。
“最好的辦法，長官，”這名水手說，“是別聲張這事。如果其他人知道我救了您，他們會把我扔下去的�！�
篇3：Present for Girlfriend送給女友的禮物
At a jewelry store, a young man bought an expensive locket as a present for his girlfriend. “Shall I engrave her name on it?” the jeweler asked.
The customer thought for a moment, and then said, “No-engrave it 'To my one and only love‘。 That way, if we ever break up, I can use it again.”
在一家珠寶店里，一位年輕人買了一個貴重的小金盒作為送給女友的禮物。“要我把她的名字刻在上面嗎?”珠寶商問道。
那名顧客想了一會兒，然后說道：“不——在上面刻’給我唯一的愛‘。這樣，如果我們鬧崩了，我還可以再用到它。”
篇4：West Point西點軍校
My father, brother and I visited West Point to see a football game between Army and Boston College. Taking a stroll before kickoff, we met many cadets in neatly pressed uniforms. Several visting fans asked the recruits if they would pose for photographs, “to show our son what to expect if he should attend West Point.”
One middle-aged couple approached a very attractive female cadet and asked her to pose for a picture. They explained, “We want to show our son what he missed by not coming to West Point.”
父親：哥哥和我到西點軍校去觀看一場陸軍與波士頓大學(xué)之間的橄欖球賽。開始之前，我們到處轉(zhuǎn)了轉(zhuǎn)，碰到許多穿著整齊制服的學(xué)員。幾名游客問新兵是否愿意擺出軍姿來讓他們攝�！昂米屛覀兊膬鹤又�，如果他到西點軍校來學(xué)習(xí)會得到什么�！�
一對中年夫婦走近一名非常漂亮的女學(xué)員，問她是否愿意擺個姿勢照相。他們解釋說：“我們想讓兒子知道他沒來西點軍校錯過了什么。”
篇5：Be Careful What You Wish For慎重許愿
A couple had been married for 25 years and were celebrating their 60th birthdays, which fell on the same day.
During the celebration a fairy appeared and said that because they had been such a loving couple for all 25 years, she would give them one wish each.
The wife wanted to travel around the world. The fairy waved her hand, and Boom! She had the tickets in her hand.
Next, it was the husband's turn. He paused for a moment, then said shyly, “Well, I'd like to have a woman 30 years younger than me.”
The fairy picked up her wand, and Boom! He was ninety.
一對結(jié)婚25周年的夫妻在慶祝他們六十歲的生日。他們恰好在同一天出生。
慶�；顒又�，一位仙女出現(xiàn)了。她說，由于他們是已經(jīng)結(jié)婚25年的恩愛夫妻，因此她給許給這對夫妻每個人一個愿望。
妻子想周游世界。仙女招了招手�！皡�!”的一聲，她的手中出現(xiàn)了一張票。
接下來該丈夫許愿了。他猶豫片刻，害羞地說，“那我想要一位比我年輕30歲的女人。”
仙女拾起了魔術(shù)棒�！皡�!”他變成了90歲。
篇6：Midway Tactics中間戰(zhàn)術(shù)
Three competing store owners rented adjoining shops in a mall. Observers waited for mayhem to ensue.
The retailer on the right put up huge signs saying, “Gigantic Sale!” and “Super Bargains!”
The store on the left raised bigger signs proclaiming, “Prices Slashed!” and “Fantastic Discounts!”
The owner in the middle then prepared a large sign that simply stated, “ENTRANCE”。
三個互相爭生意的商店老板在一條商業(yè)街上租用了毗鄰的店鋪。旁觀者等著瞧好戲。
右邊的零售商掛起了巨大的招牌，上書：“大減價!”“特便宜!”
左邊的商店掛出了更大的招牌，聲稱：“大砍價!”“大折扣!”
中間的商人隨后準備了一個大招牌，上面只簡單地寫著：“入口處”。
篇7：Napoleon Was Ill拿破侖病了
Jack had gone to the university to study history, but at the end of his first year, his history professor failed him in his examinations, and he was told that he would have to leave the university. However, his father decided that he would go to see the professor to urge him to let Jack continue his studies the following year.
“He's a good boy,” said Jack's father, “and if you let him pass this time, I'm sure he'll improve a lot next year and pass the examinations at the end of it really well.”
“No, no, that's quite impossible,” replied the professor immediately. “Do you know, last month I asked him when Napoleon had died, he didn't know!”
“Please, sir, give him another chance,” said Jack's father. “You see, I'm afraid we don't take any newspaper in our house, so none of us even know that Napoleon was ill.”
杰克到一所大學(xué)去學(xué)歷史。第一學(xué)期結(jié)束時，歷史課教授沒讓他及格。學(xué)校讓他退學(xué)。然而，杰克的父親決定去見教授，強烈要求讓杰克繼續(xù)來年的學(xué)業(yè)。
“他是個好孩子，”杰克的父親說：“您要是讓他這次及格，我相信他明年會有很大進步，學(xué)期結(jié)束時，他一定會考好的。”
“不，不，那不可能，”教授馬上回答�！澳阒绬�?上個月我問他拿破侖什么時候死的，他都不知道。”
“先生，請再給他一次機會吧。”杰克的父親說：“你不知道，恐怕是因為我們家沒有訂報紙。我們家的人連拿破侖病了都不知道�！�
篇8：Very Pleased to Meet You很高興認識你
During World War II, a lot of young women in Britain were in the army. Joan Phillips was one of them. She worked in a big camp, and of course met a lot of men, officers and soldiers.
One evening she met Captain Humphreys at a dance. He said to her, “I'm going abroad tomorrow, but I'd be very happy if we could write to each other.” Joan agreed, and they wrote for several months.
Then his letters stopped, but she received one from another officer, telling her that he had been wounded and was in a certain army hospital in England.
Joan went there and said to the matron, “I've come to visit Captain Humphreys.”
“Only relatives are allowed to visit patients here,” the matron said.
“Oh, that's all right,” answered Joan. “I'm his sister.”
“I'm very pleased to meet you,” the matron said, “I'm his mother!”
在第二次世界大戰(zhàn)中，有許多年輕的婦女在軍營中服役。瓊·飛利浦斯是其中之一。她在一個大軍營中工作，當然遇到了許多男士，包括軍官和士兵。
一天晚上她在舞會上遇到了軍官漢弗雷斯。他對她說，“我明天就要出國，但如果我們能夠相互寫信，我會很高興�！杯偼饬�，于是他們幾個月里一直通著信。
后來，他再沒有來信。她收到了另一個軍官的信，告訴她，他受傷了，住在英格蘭的某個部隊醫(yī)院里。
瓊到了醫(yī)院，她對護士長說，“我來看望軍官漢弗雷斯。”
“這里只有親屬可以探望病人。”護士長說。
“噢，是的，”瓊說，“我是他的妹妹�！�
“很高興認識你，”護士長說，“我是他的母親�！�
篇9：Two Soldiers兩個士兵
Two soldiers were in camp. The first one's name was George, and the second one's name was Bill. George said, “have you got a piece of paper and an envelope, Bill?”
Bill said, “Yes, I have,” and he gave them to him.
Then George said, “Now I haven't got a pen.” Bill gave him his, and George wrote his letter. Then he put it in the envelope and said, “have you got a stamp, Bill?” Bill gave him one.
Then Bill got up and went to the door, so George said to him, “Are you going out?”
Bill Said, “Yes, I am,” and he opened the door.
George said, “Please put my letter in the box in the office, and…” He stopped.
“What do you want now?” Bill said to him.
George looked at the envelope of his letter and answered, “What's your girl-friend's address?”
軍營里有二名士兵，一個叫喬治，一個叫比爾。喬治問：“比爾，你有信紙：信封嗎?”
比爾說：“有。”然后把信紙和信封給了喬治。
喬治又說：“我還沒有筆呢�！北葼栍职炎约旱墓P給了他。喬治開始寫信。寫完后把信放進信封里，又問：“比爾，你有郵票嗎?”比爾給了他一張。
這時比爾站起來，向門口走去。喬治問：“你要出去嗎?”
比爾說：“是的�！彪S即打開了門。
喬治說：“請幫我把這封信投進辦公室的信箱里，還有……”他停住了。
“你還要什么?”比爾問。
喬治看著信封說：“你女朋友的地址是?”
篇10：Five Months Older大五個月
The Second World War had begun, and John wanted to join the army, but he was only 16 years old, and boys were allowed to join only if they were over 18. So when the army doctor examined him, he said that he was 18.
But John's brother had joined the army a few days before, and the same doctor had examined him too. This doctor remembered the older boy's family name, so when he saw John's papers, he was surprised.
“How old are you?” he said.
“Eighteen, sir,” said John.
“But your brother was eighteen, too,” said the doctor. “Are you twins?”
“Oh, no, sir,” said John, and his face went red. “My brother is five months older than I am.”
第二次世界大戰(zhàn)開始了，約翰想?yún)④姡伤挥惺鶜q，當時規(guī)定男孩到十八歲才能入伍。所以軍醫(yī)給他進行體檢時，他說他已經(jīng)十八歲了。
可約翰的哥哥剛?cè)胛闆]幾天，而且也是這個軍醫(yī)給他做的檢查，這位醫(yī)生還記得他哥哥的姓。所以當他看到約翰的表格時，感到非常驚奇。
“你多大了?”軍醫(yī)問。
“十八，長官。”約翰說。
“可你的哥哥也是十八歲，你們是雙胞胎嗎?”
約翰臉紅了，說：“哦，不是，長官，我哥哥比我大五個月�！�
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